broken hearted

I know it has almost been a year since my last post. It makes me sad to think of the memories and moments I have not documented. Lately events for the Isaacson's are well deserving of documenting. So many things to document, that I don't want to rush them.
First I will tell a tale of two failed adoption placements. I don't know where to begin...
I guess the beginning is always appropriate...
When we started this journey, I wanted an experience full of joy, hope and not sorrow. Even though it has not ended in the sweet bliss of a bundled baby, I will not be bitter. Kent and I have been in contact with a little couple, who at the time were 15 and 16. We have loved and supported through this process when they have had no one by their side. To the point of abortion, homeless and all alone. I am grateful to have been a tool in Heavenly Father's hands to help these two through this time. I seem to think that was our role in this whole story all along. They have been through a lot with out any tools or knowledge of where to turn for help. I promised myself from the beginning that I would love and support them no matter what they decided for their child. I began taking them to counseling every week for the next 10 months to LDS Family Services. I helped pick out their Dr, and I took them to all the baby Dr. appointments. I was the one who stood beside them. They finally came to a decision that they wanted to place their baby with us, with the knowledge of ourselves being pregnant. We could not have been more excited! About a month before she was due, they informed us that they have decided to place with another family. Heart broken, but we continued our support. Remember, I promised myself I was helping not only for the baby. I had grown a very deep love and appreciation for them and for the trials they were enduring. About 2 weeks before the baby was due, they started to talk about some regret they were having with their decision to place with another family. I told them time and time again, that I thought both families were a great option, and neither would be a bad place for their son to go, but they had to do what was right in their hearts. They called us a day after her due date, November 30, and told us they were placing with us and felt very confident in their decision. I can''t begin to tell you how much excitement we felt. The next week became a waiting game of anticipation for everyone. They finally scheduled her to be induced on Friday the 6th. Saturday morning at 10:23 am, baby Conner Tyler was born. 9lbs 3oz and 21 inches long. He was healthy, handsome and perfect! I am so grateful for the opportunity that I was able to be there for this couple through this time. I could see in their eyes when he arrived, that we would not be taking this little guy home. Kent and I left the hospital about 2 hours after the birth to give them alone time and an opportunity to talk. Kent and I went home to mourn. We both knew things were not looking good for us. I have never felt such heartache. We went up again to the hospital for about an hour that evening. They then told us they wanted to parent. I cried, and held him, and kissed him good-bye. Sunday evening, I had this urge to go back to the hospital to visit them. We only stayed for about 10-15 minutes (about as long as Kent could stand it) I was able to hold him one more time. People may think this was harder, but I felt that it has been helping heal me. Kent and I both felt a loving peace and calmness as we left the hospital. We both felt confident that we did everything we could for this couple and child. The baby boy will always have a piece of my heart. I grew him there, in my heart.